The Pain of Losing the One You Love
by byakuya.sama.lover
Summary: Renji finally confessed his feelings to Byakuya in that small room in the 4th division. Their love grew and after 6 months, Renji gets news about his condition. This is my fanfic. Warning: Lots of lemon. ByaRen & RenBya
1. Chapter 1

The Pain of Losing the One You Love

Chapter 1

"Byakuya…" Renji whispered, barely audible to Byakuya's ears, "I'm about to die." After saying this, Renji dropped to his knees, clinging on Byakuya's clothes as if he would die if he let go. He was fighting back the tears that were about to fall. He couldn't show it to Byakuya, afraid of showing fear. He was afraid of leaving Byakuya. Byakuya who was already left by someone he loved once before.

Byakuya's face showed pure horrification along with many other emotions. This time he did not even try to catch himself for he knew that it would be futile. He didn't care anymore. Hearing that someone you love is dying is a hard thing to accept. For Byakuya, it's the second time.

After a while Byakuya finally regained control of himself. He slow dropped to his knees and embraced Renji. At this, Renji finally let his tears fall. He could feel Byakuya's warmth, his sincerity, and his love. Byakuya remained silent, thinking that it is better not to speak at the moment and just let his actions speak for him.

* * *

"_Renji, I'm afraid that your reiatsu is not recovering as fast as I had hoped. In fact, it's more like you're losing the reiatsu you have left," said the gentle voice of Unohana-taicho._

"_Taicho, how can that be?" Renji asked in quite a panicky voice," I feel fine though…" Renji trailed off, remembering moments where he felt like he was being crushed under the heavy weight of Kuchiki-taicho's reiatsu. _

"_It seems that your body can no longer hold your reiatsu. Think of it like a balloon filled with water, the balloon got pierced by a tiny little needle, and slowly the water will leak out. It seems that after your fight with Kuchiki-taicho, we were able to bring back your reiatsu but we were not able to heal the hole where your reiatsu leaks out from." Explained Unohana-taicho. _

_Renji was thinking to himself. Trying to comprehend what was just explained to him. 'So that was why every time Byakuya and I were together, I felt like he was trying to drown me or something. Wait… Does this mean… I'm dying?' Renji panicked at the thought of death. 'After confessing my love to Byakuya for all these years, after spending just a small amount of time knowing that he loves me too…. I'm just going to die?!?!' _

"_How much longer do I have left?" was the only question that Renji wanted to know. _

_Unohana-taicho thought to herself for a while before responding, "6 months."_

"_Phew, I thought it'd be shorter." Renji joked trying to lighten up the mood a bit._

_Unohana-taicho just smiled gently and said "I wanted to tell you this now so that you could spend your remaining time with Byakuya."_

_Renji was surprised that the captain knew that there was something between him and Byakuya. "You know about…us?" he asked, quite surprised. _

"_Let's just say that I felt Byakuya was becoming a little too enthusiastic about going to work." Unohana-taicho replied with a small chuckle. But with a more serious note she said "Are you planning on telling him?" _

"_Yes."_


	2. Chapter 2

Warnings on this one... Lemons... and lots of it

M/M smex... ByaRen love them!!!

* * *

The Pain of Losing the One You Love

Chapter 2

_Renji_

_I was shocked by Unohana-taicho's news. Just when I thought everything was going fine, I get this. Just when Byakuya finally started to love me and open up to me, I get the news that we will be separated forever. Isn't that just fucked up? _

_I knew I had to break the news to him somehow but I don't know just how he would react. Especially if he knew that he's going to be responsible for my death. I just had to find the perfect time to tell him. _

_I let a few days pass. I wanted to clear my mind and think. Everyone was just so busy doing paperwork, especially Byakuya. Seeing him right now, you wouldn't even believe that he was on the verge of dying 6 months ago. _

_My relationship with Byakuya was supposed to be locked behind closed doors. I know that Byakuya was a very secretive man. No one could have ever guessed that he had a relationship with his fukutaicho. I thought that if ever our affair was found out, it would be my fault. I was so surprised that Unohana-taicho found out about us because of Byakuya. We've been together for just 6 months, ever since I confessed in that small room in the 4__th__ division. _

_During those 6 months, I saw some slight changes in Byakuya. Good changes. _

_I felt his heart warm up. He's not the same stoic, cold-hearted man I first met. Not to brag or anything, but, I knew it was because of me. On rare moments I could feel him stealing glances at me, and he would even call me by my given name when no one's around. In bed too, I could feel his passion and love. He was a gentle but strong lover. The way he makes love to me, feels like he's trying to engrave his existence on my body. I've never seen him show so much passion nor love before. _

_This is the only reason why I didn't want to tell him. I'm afraid that he would close his heart forever._

_

* * *

  
_

It's already been a week since Unohana-taicho gave me the news. I've decided to tell him tonight.

I woke up late again today and went to the 6th division office very late. Byakuya was already there, working on the huge stack of paperwork on his desk. He wasn't surprised to see me late yet again.

"I see you're late again today. Punishment is in order." He said with a slight smirk on his face, just as I had closed the door.

I shivered at the thought of his punishment.

All of a sudden he stood up and flash stepped towards me. I was so surprised, that it took a while before my mind registered a pair of soft lips kissing mine. As I was about to respond to his kiss, he pushed back. He lips then went to nibble on my ear and whispered "Come to the manor tonight for your punishment." Then just as fast as he attacked my lips, he flash stepped back to his seat behind his large desk.

I sat down and began to do my paper work. I tried to distract myself from Byakuya's invitation and from what I am about to reveal to him. This was the first time that I was so grateful for the huge stack of papers on my desk.

* * *

Byakuya let me go earlier, so that I could first change my clothes and so that it wouldn't be too suspicious of us. He told me to come to the manor at around 10 pm. That was just 2 more hours.

2 more hours to prepare for what was to come.

* * *

I was now in front of the main gate of the Kuchiki manor. I had already taken a bath and I was wearing the kimono that Byakuya gave to me as a gift on my birthday. It was black, with blood red petals for decoration. He gave it to me saying that it brings out my eyes or something. I told him that, is sounded so weird but in truth I really like the kimono. It was the first gift he ever gave me.

I knocked on the door and the guard opened up, allowing me inside. Byakuya had probably informed them that he was expecting a visitor. I was led in to the study, where Byakuya was already waiting for me.

As soon as the door was closed, he pulled me into a tight embrace and kissed me so passionately as if he hadn't seen me for years. I kissed him back with as much passion as he showed. We kept at it for a while, till he broke the kiss for a breath of air. I groaned at losing his soft lips against mine. He heard me, grabbed my growing erection, and whispered "Don't be in such a hurry. The night is young." He whispered breathily, and I could hear the want and desire coating his dangerously seductive voice.

When he speaks like that I couldn't help but let him take over all of me.

Slowly, he was leading me into his private chambers. He was planting small wet kisses on my neck as we went along. I let him hear my moans, knowing that he loved to hear them. He loved hearing my moans of submission. Even in bed, he loved the feeling of domination.

I hit the door of his chambers softly. He kissed my lips again pinning me to the door. I broke the kiss and said jokingly, "We're almost near. Don't tell me you can't control yourself anymore, Kuchiki-taicho." i know he loves it when I call him that during sex. He was a very kinky man.

"Abarai-fukutaicho, there is nothing that can break my control." He said quite arrogantly. We were playing one of his favorite games.

"Not even me?" I asked in the most seductive voice I could.

"Not even you." He said firmly, which we both know was a lie.

As if trying to make his point, he let go of me and opened the door to let in first. I entered and lay down the bed, untying my hair and losing my kimono as he was locking the door. As he turned around, I could through his eyes that he likes what he's seeing.

I could see the growing desire and lust in those grey eyes. He moved to me slowly, like a wolf observing its prey. He reached out to take untie my obi and take off my black kimono. He touched my chest gently tracing the black tribal tattoos that decorated my body.

"You like what you see, Kuchiki-sama?"

He gave me a small nod as a reply and kissed me once again. During the kiss, I had managed to reverse our positions. This time, it was my turn to undress him. I took my precious time to do this endeavor. Touching and licking his pale skin as it was revealed. Finally when I had finished undressing him, I made him sit on the edge of the bed and I went between his legs, lowering my face to his erection. I kissed it and gave it a small lick on the head.

"Let's see just how good your control is, nee…Kuchiki-sama"

That was the only warning I gave him before I took his whole length into my mouth and started to deep-throat him. He grabbed handfuls of my hair, tugging on it roughly, making me moan on his huge cock. I love it when he played with my hair. I love it more when he plays rough.

"nngh..Yeah…Suck it harder…" Byakuya moaned. He started to gently thrust into my mouth. I put my hands behind him and tried to push him more into me, encouraging him to fuck my mouth.

"Fuck…feels..so….good..nnghh" he said as he tightened the hold on my hair. We continued for a while until I heard him say "I'm cu..cumming"

I readied myself to swallow his hot seed. He came in my mouth and pulled out. I swallowed most of his cum but I shared some with him as I reached for his lips and kissed him. As I pulled away, I licked my lips seductively showing just how good he tastes like and how much I enjoy sucking him off.

"Looks like you need to work more on your control, Kuchiki-sama."

He smirked and said in a very seductive tone "I'll show you who needs more control."

"I'm sorry, but you have to punish me tonight right?" I said as I put two of my fingers in his mouth. He sucked on them quite eagerly.

I took my fingers out of his mouth when I knew they were wet enough. I moved to the middle of the large bed and went down on my knees, putting my head down on the bed and swinging my ass up in the air. I could see Byakuya's erection stir back to life. Then I put my wet fingers behind me and started to fuck myself on them.

"Ahh…ngghhh…." I moaned. Byakuya could barely control onto his excitement. "Taicho….nghhh…please…fuck….me..now"

I removed my fingers to show him my twitching hole. He was about to get lube from one of his drawers, but I called out "No…taicho..i want…want you…to fuck me….dry"

"Are you sure about that Abarai-fukutaicho? If you can't get up tomorrow, you know it will be because of you recklessness, right?"

"Yeah…whatever….Fuck..taicho..just fuck me already.."

He spread my legs further. I heard a small chuckle before I felt a surge of pain and pleasure hit my body. I gave out a loud scream and tears were forming in my eyes. Byakuya knew that I was in pain and was nice enough to pause and let me adjust to him.

"Just relax…Renji" he said in a gentle voice. I took a moment to do what he said. Even though we had sex many times before, this was the first time without lube. I could feel something dripping down my ass.

I moved against him, making him know, I'm ready.

"Are really sure you're ready for your punishment…..Abarai-fukutaicho?" he said in a deep low voice that sent shivers down my spine.

I nodded. Oh shit…Here it comes.

He pulled almost all the way out. Then he thrust into me so hard that it took my breath away. Then he started to set a fast, rough pace. This was punishment alright. Punishment from above.

"Nnghh…Taicho…harder..deeper…more" I moaned, "Feels so ….fucking good…fuck me more.."

"I love it when you talk dirty," he said. Then he suddenly pulled out. I groaned, mad at him for pulling out when I was so close. He smirked at me seeing my angry face.

He lay down on the bed. I know what he wants. I straddled him and positioned myself above his aching cock. I slowly impaled myself on him.

"Nnnghh…That feels so good fukutaicho… Come and set the pace for us" he said to me, almost challenging me.

"Ahhh…taicho…"

I tried to go slow but, I couldn't contain myself anymore. I needed release. I fucked myself on his cock, I bended my body to catch his lips in a passionate kiss. He bit my lips, and I could taste blood on his tongue and mine. His reiatsu was flaring up; I couldn't breathe, it felt like he was drowning me, killing me softly. I knew that he was close…

Then Byakuya took my cock and started fisting me.

"I'm cumming…Byakuya…cum with me"

"Renji…I love you.."

Then I came. I saw white then fainted but I could still feel him filling me up with his seed.

* * *

I don't know how long I was out for. I just knew that, that was the best sex I've had with…anyone.

I felt that Byakuya was not beside me. I sat up, looking for him. He was standing, staring out the window, looking at the beautiful moon. The moonlight on his face made him look so beautiful. Until now I still couldn't believe that this man was now mine. Then I remembered what Unohana-taicho had told me a week ago. I was about to leave this beautiful man, forever.

I stood up walking silently towards Byakuya. I was almost near him. I reached out to touch him but before I could, he said in a very serious tone "Renji, do you have something to tell me?"

I was shocked. Does he know about my condition?

"Uhh..Yeah" I said with an awkward voice.

He stayed silent, waiting.

I was almost reluctant to tell him. I just couldn't tell him. I didn't want to hurt him just like the way she did. I wanted to be there for him, for eternity. I didn't want him to go back to being the stoic, ruthless, cold-hearted man I first knew. Tears were forming at the edge of my eyes.

"Renji. Please just tell me what it is." He said with a sincere caring voice.

"Byakuya…I didn't want to tell you this. I never want to leave you….Or break your heart."

With this, his eyes went wide with surprise.

"What do you mean Renji?

I stayed silent for a while, trying to think how to break it to him.

"Are you cheating on me? Are you breaking up with me? What is it?" He said, a note of anger in his voice, as he grab hold of my shoulders.

I shook my head

"No. It's not that Byakuya" I said, my voice breaking a little.

"Then what the hell is it?!"

"Byakuya…" I whispered, barely audible to his ears, "I'm about to die."

* * *

Anyways...I'm not good at writing smut... this is my first try.

Please Review... Need all the ones i can get...

Still debating on how to end the story...

Do i make it an mpreg?


	3. Chapter 3

This is part of the original plot….

I'll finish the sad plot before writing the alternate happy ending.

WARNING: RenBya smex down the road…

Took a quote from Macbeth…

* * *

The Pain of Losing the One You Love

Chapter 3

_Byakuya_

_That night, I was too shocked. _

_I could not even control the feelings those words gave me._

"_I'm about to die."_

_I never thought that I would ever hear those words again; from the person I love the most. _

_The only thing I could do back then was embrace him and not let tears fall from my eyes. I could not speak, fearing that my voice would betray me. I had to be strong. For myself and for him. _

_It's been 3 days since I received the news. Renji gave me some time to think._

_I still can't believe it. I won't believe it, till I confirm it with Unohana-taicho. I've decided to confirm it today._

_But… How could he be dying? _

_The last major battle he had was with me…_

_Don't tell me… He's dying because of me?_

_

* * *

  
_

I walked through the 4th division, heading for Unohana-taicho's office.

I heard small voices greeting me as I swiftly passed along. I gave them a small nod. I could not show anyone of my frustration. I had to act natural – cold and distant.

As I reached the office and was about to knock on the door, Unohana-taicho's gentle voice said "Come in, Kuchiki-taicho."

I gently opened the door, entered, and calmly closed the door. I walked as gracefully as I could, and took a seat on the chair across her.

"Would you like some tea, Kuchiki-taicho?" she offered gracefully.

"Um… Yes… Thank you." I replied.

She then stood up and took a cup from the cupboard nearby. She poured me some tea and handed it to me.

I took the cup and thanked her. I inhaled the delicate scent and brought the cup to my lips and took a sip

"How may I help you today, Kuchiki-taicho?" she asked calmly.

"I am here today regarding the health of Re… of my fukutaicho." I said in my normal voice, hoping she wouldn't notice me almost using his name.

"It's alright Byakuya. I already know about you and Renji-kun. It's alright to be free of formalities once in a while."

"Umm…Yes. Well, Renji has told me about his… his condition." I wasn't really sure if that was the right word for it. It was more like he told me he was going to die.

"Ah Yes, his condition. What exactly has he told you?"

This woman was like a mind reader. Beneath her gentle exterior lies enormous strength. She is like a gentle flower but is actually the poisonous snake under it.

I paused.

"He told me he is about to die." I stated simply.

"That's it?"

"Yes. I mean no. I would like to ask you more regarding this."

"Yes, go on."

"Is this true?"

"I'm sure that Renji-kun will not joke about something as serious as this."

I finally got the confirmation. It gave me a nostalgic feeling I've never felt for so long. Is this….fear? Is this…pain?

I've been trained to endure all types of pain. But I could never get used to this. I could never endure the pain of losing the one I love.

"How much time does he have left?" I tried to keep my voice even.

"More or less about 6 months." she said, a small frown on her face.

'6 months?!?!' I thought to myself. I tried to stay calm. There was one more question that I needed to ask before I could leave.

"Is he dying because of me?" I asked quietly.

"Yes."

* * *

Hearing all the confirmation of all my fears, I didn't even know how I got out of that office or for how long I've been walking, but it seemed like hours.

I found myself wandering the streets of the Seireitei, going where my feet would bring me.

I realized that I was walking in a very familiar area. The area near Renji's apartment.

'What the hell am I doing here?' I thought to myself. It's been 3 days since I last saw him, since hearing _**that. **_

Maybe this is a good chance to talk to him, since I'm already here.

I walked to his apartment, up to the third floor. I knocked on the door. I tried to prepare myself, so I could talk to him, calmly.

"I'm coming!" said the voice inside the house.

Then the door opened.

"Byakuya…" he started. He was half-naked and his hair was still dripping wet. It was obvious he had just gotten out of the shower.

I was greeted by the scent of shampoo and soap, and something distinctly Renji. And it took all of my will power just to stay calm and try not to jump the sexy man in front of me.

"Umm… Good afternoon Renji. How are you?" I said, quite awkwardly if I may add.

"Good, I guess. Why don't you come in?" he offered, pulling me inside.

I took his offer and went inside. I looked around for a bit while he was closing the door. The apartment has become quite untidy since I last saw it.

"Renj—" I started as I turned around, but I was greeted by a pair of hungry lips, making me unable to finish.

He pulled back and embraced me.

"I've missed you Byakuya…" he said.

I didn't know what to do, so my body just seemed to react on its own.

My arms went around him and I went deeper into his embrace. I never noticed how much I've missed him till now. Oh god, if I missed him this much in 3 days, how much more will I miss him when he's forever gone?

"I've missed you too, Renji. I missed you so much."

He loosened his hold on me to put a chaste kiss on my lips.

It was quick. But it showed me all the emotion and love that he had for me.

"Renji…"

"Byakuya, I'm sorry for giving you the bad news right after a wonderful night. But I had to tell you somehow. I didn't want to keep you in the dark." He said, tears were threatening to fall from his amber eyes.

"Shhh…Renji… It's ok. Don't cry. I hate it when you cry, it makes me wanna cry too.." I tried to comfort him, caressing his cheek.

"But…but Byakuya…"

"No. Buts. Ok?" I said as I kissed him after each word. "I already accepted what is to come."

"Aren't you sad about it?" he asked.

"I'm really sad about, Renji. But I thought, why should I spend all my time moping around, when I could spend time with you?"

"That's true."

"So Renji, let's spend all the remaining time you have together. Let's make memories that can never be forgotten. Leave me good memories of you."

"Ok." He said then gave me a passionate kiss, pushing his tongue in my mouth.

He was pushing me, guiding me to his bedroom. Once in a while he would pull back to plant soft, delicate kisses on my neck.

My hands kept touching every part of him; groping his hard muscular ass to pulling on that magnificent blood red hair.

As we entered the bedroom, he pushed me down his bed.

His bed was surprisingly warm and soft. It had his marvelous scent. It felt like I was being drowned in him. I could stay in this bed forever till I die. If only time could stay still and let tomorrow never come.

"Byakuya…" he whispered, nibbling sensually on my ear.

I pulled his hair to give him a rough, wet kiss. As I kissed him, my free hand went down to remove the towel around his waist, revealing the erection that wanted attention.

I grabbed his erection and started to fist him, occasionally moving my thumb over the crying slit.

He pulled back gasped at the sensation. He bit his lip to suppress the moan that tried to escape his lips.

I went to his neck, to leave little bite marks that I knew could send him over the edge.

"Byakuya… I'm…so… near…"

At hearing this, I stopped.

"Fuck, Byakuya!!! What's wrong with you? I was almost there!!!" he said to me angrily.

"Don't worry Renji. I'll give you a treat much better than cumming on my hand." I told him, reassuring him with something I knew he had wanted for so long.

"What do you mean?"

I stood up and walked a few feet away to take off my clothes. He waited patiently.

I turned to him and said "Didn't you always want to cum in here?" as I bent over to show him my hole.

"Ohhh… Fuck yeah…" was the only thing he said before he pulled my ass towards his face and started to lick me.

"Ngghh… Renji …yeah"

"Do me deeper!!!"

He had started to fuck me with his tongue and it felt…. Heavenly.

I felt him move back and I let out a disappointed groan. Then I heard him sucking on his fingers. Those sounds made me feel so excited, I could barely contain it.

When he removed his fingers from his mouth, he traced the entrance of my virgin hole. He inserted one finger at first.

"Nnggghhh…." I moaned, obviously from pleasure.

"Byakuya, I never knew you could be this slutty."

I continued to moan as he fucked me with his finger.

"Renji…" I said, then he inserted another finger.

"Fuck… It feels too good…"

"It does, doesn't it? Wait till you get this in you." He said as he took my hand and guided it to his cock.

"I can't wait…." I said breathily.

He pulled out both of his fingers and moved to get lube.

I saw him coat his cock with a generous amount of lube and start to pump his rock hard erection. He motioned for me to move on the bed.

I lay down on the bed, spreading my legs as far as I could. It felt so embarrassing. I don't know how Renji could do it.

He moved between my legs and positioned himself directly in front of my hole, the head of his cock slightly inside my hole.

"Byakuya, just relax, ok baby?" he said comfortingly.

I gave him a small nod and something that resembled a squeak.

He chuckled and said "Don't worry baby. The pain only lasts for a moment."

Then he started to push into me slowly. And it hurt like hell.

He sheathed his cock in me and allowed me to adjust. I couldn't hold back the tears that formed in my eyes. It just hurt so badly.

He saw my tears and kissed them away.

This comforting gesture was enough to chase the pain away.

He pulled out half way and pushed back in. This time, he hit something inside me that made me see stars. This time, it felt so good.

"Again.." I said.

Then he pulled all the way out and pushed back in so hard.

"Nnnggghhh…Renji…"

He set a fast and hard pace.

"Nnngghhh….Yeah…Renji…deeper…harder….yeah…fuck me more.." I couldn't control the words coming out of my mouth. I don't care how dirty I talk. I don't care how wanton I look right now. All I wanted was to feel this man inside me and the pleasure he made me feel. I can't believe how good this feels. I can't believe I didn't let Renji fuck me earlier.

"Byakuya… you sound so sexy right now…..you feel…so good around me…" he said right into my ear.

He pounded into me so hard, and I wrapped my legs and arms around him, pulling him deepere inside me. More. I want more.

"Renji…. Cum in me…" I said to him, feeling that we were so close to the edge.

"Don't worry. I'll fill you up to the brim."

"Nnnghhh…Renji…I love…you"

"I love you too, Byakuya" he said before stealing my lips for a passionate kiss.

He quickened his pace and came inside my ass. Filling me and pushing me over and I came on our bodies.

I could feel his seed leaking out of me. He collapsed on top of me, unable to pull out. I didn't complain. I was too tired.

I was just about to fall asleep when I heard him say "I love you Byakuya"

"I love you too Renji." I whispered, a tear that I never knew was there dropped from my eyes.

* * *

Please continue to read this series even if you don't like sad endings….

I find it more romantic this way….

For people who don't like sad endings, there'll be an alternate one..

Please Review…..

Thank you…


	4. Omake

Ok so this is an omake...

i just wanted to show a cuter side of Byakuya...

The morning after chapter 3...

Hope you guys like it...

Please review!!!

* * *

The Pain of Losing the One You Love

Omake

_Renji_

I woke up the next morning feeling so fine.

Damn. That was the best sleep I've ever had in almost a century.

Sleeping on his chest, waking up to his beautiful face, these were the moments with Byakuya that I cherished the most.

I tried to get up and make some breakfast before he could wake up.

He was tired, I knew that. Last night was the first time he ever let me top him. His back's gonna hurt for a while.

I started to get up but I felt this weird sensation, then I noticed, I was still inside him.

I tried to pull out as quietly as I could without disturbing his sleep, but every little move I made made him whimper and moan.

Damn. How could he still be so sexy when he's already sleeping?

Anyways… Back to the task at hand…

I went to the bathroom and cleaned myself up. After, I went to the kitchen to fix us something to eat. I also informed the office that Kuchiki-taicho and I needed a sick leave.

After whipping up some breakfast, I went back to the room to check on him.

He was still asleep. I figured it would be the best time to help him clean up. So I took a basin, a towel, and some ointment.

I started to clean his ass. My cum was leaking out of him. It was so sexy. I just wanted to lick it all up, but I knew I had to let him rest. We could do more stuff later.

When I was finished, I also put some ointment to lessen the pain when he woke up.

I was almost done when he suddenly groaned and moved his hands, trying to look for something, someone.

When he couldn't find what he was looking for, he called out "Renji!!!"

It was cute that the first person he would look for when he woke up, was me. I would never say it to his face, of course, unless I wanted to be minced and diced.

"Renji!" he called out again.

"Yes, Byakuya?" I said, coming up from where I was.

"What were you doing there?" he asked, his voice quite unsure.

"Well, I was helping clean you up. I also put some ointment on you so you wouldn't hurt as much."

"Helping….me…clean…up…" he repeated, a blush creeping up his cheeks. I think he was remembering what just happened the night before.

He was so adorable right now, I could eat him up.

"Yeah." I said, "Did you sleep well?" giving him a chaste kiss on his bruised lips.

"Yeah…"

"Let's go I made some breakfast."

"Ummm…Renji, what time is it?" he said hesitantly.

"It's 11."

His eyes widened.

"Don't worry I already told them you weren't coming." I assured him.

"Oh.."

"Now let's go and eat. Or do you want me to carry you there?"

He hesitated. A smirk crawling up his lips.

So I picked him up, princess-style of course, just the way he wanted. He gave me a small kiss as a sign of his gratitude.

I loved it when Byakuya was being a little selfish. He becomes more cute and adorable.

I always told him that he should indulge and treat himself more often.

I guess today was one of his selfish days.

...

......

Today's gonna be a great day.

* * *

Did you guys like it?

Please review....

tell me what you liked about it and what i can improve on....

Thanks...

- Ren


	5. Chapter 4

Anyways....

Continuing on..

Hoped you guys liked the omake....

* * *

The Pain of Losing the One You Love

Chapter 4

_Byakuya_

_It's been four days since that wonderful night with Renji._

_I have asked him, it was actually more close to forcing, to live with me in my manor. I wanted to spend every single second that I have, every waking minute, with him._

_Working together, being in the same office was just not enough anymore. I am simply too in love with this man. I would have never thought that I, the cold, uncaring, apathetic Byakuya, could love once again. _

…

………

_Now we're back to work._

_Working with the man you love is indeed a pleasure and a privilege, but it can also be difficult at times. _

_I cannot help but steal glances at him once in a while. It's also proven quite a task to lay my hands off him every time he bites his lower lip while thinking, or when he arches his back every time he stretches or ….._

_NO!!! _

_I MUST STOP MYSELF FROM THINKING THIS WAY… Calm down Byakuya!!!_

_

* * *

  
_

_Our life resumed, back to the way it was before, for the most part. _

_There were some slight changes in our daily tasks though. Now we always seem to be together. From the moment we wake up, to the time we have our breakfast…..until the time we go home. _

_Now I can truly feel what it means to "lovers". And it feels surprisingly….pleasant; knowing that the person beside you will always love you no matter what. _

_But I could never tell him this, for my pride prevents me to do so._

_

* * *

  
_

"Renji, do you have plans for tonight?" I asked, nonchalantly.

He looked up at me with a smirk.

"No, not really."

"Are you sure?"

"Why, do you have something in store for me tonight?" his voice threateningly low and seductive.

"No, not really." I mimicked, returning a smirk.

_Our days seem to compose of these short conversations and flirtations, and then followed by tremendous amounts of paperwork. _

_It was a tiring routine to be honest. And the only reason I could handle it, was because of Renji._

_

* * *

  
_

_Seconds turned to minutes, minutes turned to hours, hours into days. And before I knew it, several days had passed by. _

_Time flies by so fast, though I pray daily that each day would never end. _

_At the back of my mind, I fear the passing of each day. For each day brings him closer to death. _

_We never spoke of this issue again, but I know that he is also deeply troubled by this as much as I am._

_Is there no way to ever cure him?_

_I had to ask Unohana-taicho, Kurotsuchi-taicho, anyone…_

_I'm afraid that my heart could never take this much damage. I'm afraid of who I will become without him._

_

* * *

  
_

Lately, I've been feeling quite unwell. Our family healers seem to have no idea of what might be causing the nausea I've been feeling for the past few mornings. They have advised me to see Unohana-taicho to inquire more about my current condition.

i have set an appointment later today for this purpose.

"Renji, you will be going home alone today, I'm afraid." I said to him.

"Why Byakuya? D'you have something to do? Are you going somewhere?" he asked.

"I'm off to go to the 4th division for a check-up." I am amazed by how thick his head can really be. We already live in the same house, sleep in the same room but he still fails to see that I am feeling quite sick.

"Ohhh. Do you..um..want me to come with you?"

"No, it is fine. You go home and get some rest."

"Umm…Sure."

And that was the end of the conversation.

Recently, I've also noticed that I've become annoyed at the little things Renji does wrong, or things he fails to see. I used to think he was adorable that way. What has happened to me?

* * *

I walked down the halls of the 4th division, heading to the same office that I had been in about a month ago, when I verified what Renji had just said.

Finally reaching the office, I knocked, she answered, and I entered.

"Kuchiki-taicho, how nice to see you again." She greeted me.

I gave her a nod.

"What is it that I can do for you this time?" she asked.

"I've been feeling unwell lately, and I have been advised by our family healers to seek your help regarding my condition." I said quite calmly.

"Yes, I understand. What exactly have you been feeling lately?"

"Nausea." I stated.

She walked around the table to where I was and put her hand on my forehead.

"You don't seem to have a fever or anything." She said aloud, more to herself than to me.

"Yes, I've heard."

"Are you easily annoyed or irritated recently?"

"It seems that I've become quite annoyed at Renji for the simplest things. And I've become quite irritated at the scent of cherry blossoms, for some reason or so." I said slowly, while thinking.

Then she just suddenly touched my abdomen. I was quite surprised and almost had an urge to take her hands off me.

She smiled.

"Congratulations, Kuchiki-taicho. It seems you are with child."

* * *

i think this might end happily after all.

PLease tell me what you think of this chapter....

i really need the reviews to know whether i should continue this or not.


	6. Chapter 5

Sorry again for the short chapter….

I'll try to make a longer one next time.

I just wanted to concentrate on this part first…. And give you guys some suspense…

And thanks for all the reviews…

i hope you like it!!!

* * *

The Pain of Losing the One You Love

Chapter 5

_Byakuya_

"Congratulations, Kuchiki-taicho. It seems you are with child."

As she said those words, I felt pure shock wash over me.

My hands came to cover my abdomen almost instinctively, as if to protect the unborn child within me.

I felt my face relax, a small smile tugging at my lips. I felt almost relieved at hearing the news.

Apparently there was a long silence that Unohana-taicho felt she had to break.

"Kuchiki-taicho, are you alright? I know you must be shocked at hearing this news."

"Yes I am alright and I am quite shocked. Would you care to explain how I became pregnant?" I asked calmly.

At the question, I saw her blush a little. Did she have anything to do with this?

"Uh… Yes, Kuchiki-taicho." She paused. "Pregnancy in males rarely happens. It can only happen when two men that have captain-level reiatsu engage in sexual intercourse. But there is still a possibility that a child won't be conceived. It is very rare that there is, without any outside help…."

"You mean that, even if two men with captain-level reiatsu engage in… you know, there is still a possibility of still not having a baby? And what do you mean by outside help? If I didn't have outside help, then how could I be pregnant right now?"

"Umm.. Kuchiki-taicho, please do not be mad at what I will tell you right now."

"I won't, for the sake of my child."

"By outside help, I meant help from a person well educated in medical herbs and knowledgeable in the art of healing."

I paused and pondered.

"Don't tell me…." I started.

"Yes. It was me." She said so calmly.

I didn't know what to do. I had mixed emotions in me right now. I don't know if I was to be mad and angry at this woman or to be happy that this woman would give me and Renji the ultimate manifestation of our love.

"Well. Thank you for your time, Unohana-taicho. I must get home and tell Renji of the news." I said while standing up and preparing to leave the room.

"Wait. Don't you have any questions about your pregnancy?" she called out as I was about to leave.

"Like what?" I stopped in my tracks but did not look back.

"Like when you will give birth?"

"Is it not the same as in the real world? 9 months?"

"It is different here. It all depends on the reiatsu of the parents. Your reiatsu and Renji's rieatsu are very strong, making the baby develop at a faster rate."

"Then how long till I give birth to my child?"

"Five months more or less."

"Thank you and Good night, Unohana-taicho." I started to walk again.

"You will need a check-up every other week" she called out. I looked back a bit and saw a smirk working its way up in her calm features.

I will never have tea with this woman ever again.

……………

………………………………

I wonder how Renji will react to this news.

I reached the manor quite breathless. I don't know if it was because I was excited or just tired.

As I opened the door of my private chambers, Renji greeted me with a passion-filled kiss.

He pulled back.

"Byakuya, I'm so sorry for this afternoon, for irritating you with my thick headedness." He paused and then said with a more seductive voice, "Let me make it up to you tonight."

"No, Renji. It's ok. It's my fault…. "

"But still. Let me make it up to you tonight."

"We can't."

"Why not?"

"Because…" I paused, trying to think. "Renji, I have something to tell you. Sit down."

We went to the bed. I made Renji sit down on the bed and I was in front of him standing up.

"What is it, Byakuya? Is something wrong?" he said in such a caring voice that almost made me melt.

"No, there's nothing wrong. It's just…. I'm…"

He started to stand up to comfort me, but I pushed him back down.

"I'm pregnant."

At this he did stand up. I was anticipating what kind of reaction he would give me.

"Is it mine?" he asked with a serious voice.

I looked up at him, almost with frustration. How could he even think that I would have a child with someone else?

"Of course it's yours!!! I would never want a child with someone other than you."

"Then good. I love you, Byakuya."

He hugged me with all his might. The care, comfort, and love that I felt in his embrace was much more than I could have ever imagined.

This man truly loves me.

* * *

Please review...

Longer chapter next time i promise...

I'm not sure when i can update again cuz exams are coming this week...

i'll try my best for you guys...

Thanks for reading


	7. Chapter 6

Sorry if it wasn't as long as i promised... and that it took a while to get here...

i was debating whether or not to make it longer...

Please Enjoy.... And Review...

* * *

The Pain of Losing the One You Love

Chapter 6

_Renji_

I'm gonna be a dad….

I'm gonna be a dad?

I'm gonna be a dad!!!

I just wanna shout it out to the world. Byakuya Kuchiki is having my child!!!

I want to shower Byakuya with my love more than ever.

After knowing that he is carrying my unborn child, the ultimate manifestation of our love, I can't contain my happiness anymore. Now I know why it feels so good to be a father.

I just want to hug him and smother him with kisses all day long. But, I wonder how his family will take the news.

I mean… They don't even know about us yet… Then the next thing they hear about is Byakuya getting knocked up by some Rukongai dog.

What do we do?

……….

…………………..

"Byakuya…" I whispered into his ear as he slept.

I held him closer to me and wrapped my arms around him, my hand resting on his stomach.

Since hearing the news 3 days ago, I would subconsciously put my hands over our unborn baby. I could feel a small pulse and a growing reiatsu inside the man I love.

I nuzzled into his neck, leaving small feathery kisses. Then we continued to drift back into a deep sleep.

……….

…………………..

"Renji…" I could hear a faint whisper.

"What?"

"Renji, it's time to go to work. We must hurry. We can't be late." He said.

"Wait, what?" I asked, rising up from the bed still half-asleep.

"We have to go to work."

Work? Work he says? Doesn't he know he's pregnant???

"Woah, Byakuya. You can't go to work now that you're pregnant. It's too stressful for you."

"Well, the paper work won't handle itself." He said calmly.

"Well, that's true." I paused and thought for a minute, "Tell you what, how about we just let Rikichi bring the paperwork here and I'll do all of them for you?"

"We both know that you can't even handle your share of the papers, how do expect me to believe that you can finish mine as well?" he scoffed.

"Ohh right…" I laughed awkwardly, "Well, just let me at least try. Since it's for you and the baby, I'll do my best." Then I gestured for him to come to me. He pouted a bit, which was so cute and unexpected, then moved. I took him into my arms and kissed his forehead.

"Byakuya, don't worry about anything anymore. Just think about giving birth to my child, so you can have someone beside you when I'm gone." I said, still holding him in a tight embrace.

"Re…Renji, don't even say that. Saying things that will upset me will be bad for our baby. Please…" he said. Was he trembling?

"Byakuya, I love you. No matter what happens, I will still love you. You should always remember that. So you shouldn't feel sad."

"I know Renji. But, just the thought of never seeing you again…." He started.

"Byakuya, it's alright. The same goes for me. If I could, I would never leave you." I reassured him, holding his face near mine. I gave him a passionate kiss which he returned with much fervor. Our hands desperately caressing each other, our bodies molding as one; we needed this, this heat, this reassurance of each other. Just for a while… Forget all our troubles and just drown in this overwhelming feeling.

A knock on the door disturbed us. I groaned at the distraction and deepened the kiss. _Forget about it._But Byakuya pulled out of my embrace. It took a while for him to respond.

"Ye—Yes? What is it?" he said, breathless.

"Kuchiki-sama, breakfast is ready." The servant said through the door.

"Thank you, I will be down shortly."

And the servant left. He turned back to me and I put up a mildly frustrated face then smiled at him.

"Guess we'll have to continue this some other time, " I said as I started to stand up.

"Yes, we don't want the food to get cold." He said calmly, almost too calmly.

………

……………………

After breakfast, I started on the paperwork Rikichi had brought for me. How will I ever finish this alone? Well, since it's for Byakuya and my baby, I'm willing to do anything.

"Renji, are you sure you don't want any help?" said the voice behind me.

"Byakuya, I'm sure. Just take a break, relax."

"Renji, I'm not disabled. I can still work. You need not treat me like a child."

"Byakuya, I'm not. It's just… this is the only thing I can do for you." I said. I was too shy to say that I wanted to spoil him; treat him better so he would know how much I love him. After all, he was the man who took years to figure out my feelings.

"Well… That's not the only thing you could do for me, you know…" he said with a low voice. I could feel him approaching me.

"What do you mean?" I asked seductively. I knew where this was going, or at least I thought where it would.

He leaned on me from behind. His mouth was dangerously close my ear. I could feel his breath on my ear lobe.

"Byakuya…" I said breathily.

"Renji…." He started, I almost wanted to jump him, but decided to let him finish.

"I want chocolate covered bananas with hot peppers on top." He said.

"Oh yeah… Byakuya… Wait.. What???"

Did I just hear that right? Chocolate…. Bananas…. Hot Pepper??? Is that some new slang he picked up?

"Yeah… I've been having these cravings for something sweet and spicy…" he said, "Could you get me some? Ohh…. And a chocolate cake with pickles and broccoli and make sure you put a lot of chili…"

"What?" I couldn't believe what he was saying. I heard that pregnant women can have weird cravings but, this is just…. unbelievable.

"Please Renji…." His voice was becoming unbelievably whiny, "You're the only one I could ask. The house chef might think I'm weird if I ask for all these."

"Well, it is weird." I just stared at him, but I was secretly liking this part of him, so opposite of the Byakuya everyone knows. "Your tastes are now becoming like Rangiku-san's. Just plain weird."

"You mean you won't get them for me?" he asked, his voice almost angry.

"Bya---"

"Why are you being so mean to me? You said you would do anything for me…"

"Well---"

"Renji, I hate you. Don't even go near me if you won't do what I ask of you." He stated and finally left.

He left me there, dumbfounded.

Damn mood swings. I thought it was going fine then suddenly his mood changes and now he hates me. If there's one thing I heard about pregnant people, it's the mood swings. I just have to be understanding. Maybe if I was the one pregnant, I would have mood swings and I would wanna eat strange food too. Or not…?

…….

……………….

I headed to the kitchen after finishing some paperwork labeled "Urgent". I asked the head chef to make the strange 'delicacies' my Byakuya wanted, and asked him to keep these requests a secret. People might think I'm crazy….Not that Byakuya is crazy asking for these….

I waited. During this time, I thought about Byakuya and my child, and the pregnancy… don't forget about that. I realized that I wasn't really all that knowledgeable in the pregnancy thing, maybe I should talk to Unohana-taicho about it and ask her some questions.

"Abarai-sama, the food you asked for is ready. Shall I wrap them for you or would you prefer to eat it here?" the chef asked.

"Umm… Wrap it, I guess."

He nodded his response. Does everyone here have to act this formal? I mean, I already told everyone to stop calling me 'Abarai-sama'. Anyways…

As soon as I got the food, I gave my thanks and headed for Byakuya's room. Hope he's in a better mood now.

_Knock. Knock._

"Byakuya, it's me baby. Sorry for earlier. I'm here to make it up to you." I said, in the sweetest voice I could manage.

"Do you have what I have asked for?" he asked.

"Uhhh… Yeah"

"Then, enter."

I opened the door slowly and entered, making sure to close the door as silently as I could. And as soon as I turned around, he was right in front of me.

"Ummm.. here's what you asked for…" I said and showed him the bag which contained the 'food'.

He took it with much delight, went to his desk and started to open the bag. _Not even a thank you?_

Once he saw the food, I could swear I saw his eyes shine then he started to eat to his heart's content.

"Ohhh… Renji thank you. I love you so much. Care to try some?" he offered.

"Umm.. no thanks I'm good. Just ate, you know."

"Try it." He said, which sounded more of an order than a request.

"Sure." I said, trying to hide the fear in my voice. I took a piece of the chocolate cake with hot peppers, pickles and broccoli. I swallowed it whole and tried to keep my face from going green.

"Ummm… This is too good…" he said with satisfaction in his voice.

"Calm down Byakuya. You might choke," I told him. I watched him eat for a while, his sighs of satisfaction sounded very erotic to me. _Damn Renji, keep it together!!! He's just eating!!!_

"Byakuya, I think you just had an orgasm." I joked.

He paused, looked at me and said, "Don't be silly Renji, only you can give me that." Then he continued to eat.

I felt a deep blush creep up my face.

_That's the last time I'm joking with Byakuya…_

_

* * *

_

_i promise the next chapter won't take a month...._

_I think i'm losing my inspiration for this story.... i can't remember the original plot i planned...._


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